Bored so I'm gonna rank extremely healthy things that are put in food, including dyes and other food additives. I'm of course going to be trying them and then ranking them, only fair right? (Try this at home)
Alright so I'm just gonna start off with the Classic, and I'm of course talking about Red 40.
Red 40, also known as Allura Red AC, is a food dye made from petroleum-based chemicals. They basically take petroleum stuff and then mix it with nitrogen stuff and boom, now you got skittles. This is 100% how it works, I'm a scientist, trust me.
This means that it's part of the Azo Dye Family. A notoriously healthy food group, said to be essential and carry a semi-essential Amino Acid (Thats what they told the tumor rats).
Anyways, the ranking for this has GOT to be a q tier. Delicious. 10/10 View attachment 3405458
Yummy snack, it's in Skittles, I am biased. OH yeah, q is S tier and j is F tier. Idk if I said that before. Moving on!
Unrelated, I think I got a headache, but it's probably fine
Okay, next snack! Let's see what we got here.
Ah yes, the precursor to Red 40, Red 3. It's a healthy additive that companies like Kraft, General Foods, and Nestle (Why is it always Nestle?) put in their stuff to stop "Enzyme function", whatever that means. Its real name is Erythrosine, and it used to be in stuff like Jell-O and candies and other red stuff.
So to start off with this ranking, I have some issues, Red 3 was banned in the US in 1990, and I live in California, which if you don't live here, this is how it feels to live here:
View attachment 3405465
like bro let me do my many experiments in peace. So what if I want to buy ***** ***** and mix it with ****** and ***, and then get a matchbook and use ******* **** and then get pvc pipes and. Hold on, getting a call
'Kay apparently I can't say that on hypixel. Moving on, how do I obtain red 3? This is a real predicament, I mean, how the **** do I get something that's banned, let alone banned 35 ****ing years ago???
What the **** where did you get 10 TONS OF RED 3???
"The Salmon have Red 3 in them."
What.
"Few people know but the Dark Auction family first made it's money through Red 3 laundering, we used to be fishermen."
ok. Uh, not sure what to say.
"Make a bid."
Okayyyy uh, my hyperion?
"A little low, but sure."
Soooo I'm gonna have to grind farming again for a new hyperion, but I got the red 3. So, now how to ingest it. The Red 40 I mixed with water to get a full fish tank of the stuff, but like, I wanna be unique. If I do the same thing every time you guys are just gonna click off, at least I think you guys will, you might've already. View attachment 3405471
Yes, I made a 15 ton pool of red 3 jello, what about it? Huh? I'm the one making the tier list. Don't judge me.
I took a few bites, and gotta say, should've added more sugar, but honestly, not that bad. I'm gonna give it a shelevtyeah out of 38.
Yellow 6, also known as Sunset Yellow FCF, it's a synthetic dye used in food and drinks to stop 'cellular metabolic homeostasis'. Apparently that's good for people, because the United States hasn't banned it yet! Yippee, that means no black market deals for me.
I'll just go to the store and get some- View attachment 3405474
Are you ****ing kidding me? This is bull****, HOW IS EVERY ITEM IN THE GROCERY STORE SOLD OUT??? WHAT?
okay, desperate times comes for desperate measures. I should call someone, maybe someone will have something that has yellow 6 in it right? Let's see, do I have any contacts that could come in handy? What is Yellow 6 even made of?
According to my ingenius brain (ChatGPT), Yellow 6 is made of petroleum based hydrocarbons and like treated with nitration... okay who would have hydrocarbons?
Maybe like, a bone scientist.
"But q, I thought you were a scientist?" I'm not a bone scientist, idiot. I'm a red 40 scientist. Try to keep up.
"Alright, let's see, I'm using a burner... what was his number again...? 1-800-Car-Facts...?" View attachment 3405502
"Hey, it's Walter, did I call the right number?"
View attachment 3405503
"Hey Walt, how's it goin', boss aint available right now. He put me in charge of the Dye Business while he did a personal deal."
View attachment 3405504 Damnit, I hate working with mike, "Alright, uh, can I trade some random dude some Yellow 6?"
"Yellow 6? Why'd you need yellow 6? That's such a random ****ing chemical- aint that **** made of Petroleum."
"Listen, Mike, you don't get it, the Dye Business, it's MY thing, not yours, so if I need to make a trade I need to make a trade"
I never got a call back. Soooo uh, I don't really know what to do now. Maybe I'll come back to it, for now I'll just put yellow 6 in j because I literally cannot obtain it. First j tier.
Uh, onto the next one?
Soooo uh, the store's sold out, so how am I gonna get my hands on the next dye...?
I guess I should preface that the next one is Blue 1, also known as Brilliant Blue... uh, yap yap yap explanation explanation explanation, it displays an electric shock to your brain, so that's... fun.
"Ah, fake name for a fake patient. I'm Doctor House."
No, my name is genuinely q.
"Yeah, sure it is, now go sit down on the bed." View attachment 3405520
I'm pretty sure that's the wrong type of bed, aren't there like, regular beds or something? Not the ones where you put actual sick people?
"You walked into an emergency room and expected to be given a pediatrician bed?"
I mean, is it so hard to ask for something like that?
"Okay why are you here."
I am here because, uh, okay hold on let me google something
View attachment 3405527
Frankly, I don't know what's in these pills, and I don't care. I'm downing them all, they taste like blue raspberry.
I mean, honestly, I feel like I just punched the ****ing sun, but it's probably fine. I rate Blue 1 an A tier. View attachment 3405528
Honestly? Thought this was gonna go a lot worse.
View attachment 3405533
"It's Hank, a DEA Agent. Listen, q, you worked with us in the past, and I gotta tell ya', some sick ****s in the Dye Business killed Walt."
Whaaaat? Oh nooo. Uh, that's awful. (That bastard never got me my yellow dye) View attachment 3405534
"Can you attend his funeral this week? It's on saturday."
Yeahhh, sureeeeee.
I am not attending that **** dude.
Anyways, uh, maybe I'll come back for the rest of the day. Weirdly enough I've been feeling a little weird after all of this testing, like, my headache's gotten worse, I'm overheating, I lost feeling in both my legs, I'm growing dark spots all over my body, 3 of my fingers fell off...
Glad I ate all this healthy stuff to balance out whatever sickness is killing me, I'll regrow my fingers soon.
