- Joined
- Mar 5, 2021
- Messages
- 1,947
- Reaction score
- 4,963
Bored so I'm gonna rank extremely healthy things that are put in food, including dyes and other food additives. I'm of course going to be trying them and then ranking them, only fair right? (Try this at home)
Alright so I'm just gonna start off with the Classic, and I'm of course talking about Red 40.
Red 40, also known as Allura Red AC, is a food dye made from petroleum-based chemicals. They basically take petroleum stuff and then mix it with nitrogen stuff and boom, now you got skittles. This is 100% how it works, I'm a scientist, trust me.
This means that it's part of the Azo Dye Family. A notoriously healthy food group, said to be essential and carry a semi-essential Amino Acid (Thats what they told the tumor rats).
So I had a fish tank of red 40.
Anyways, the ranking for this has GOT to be a q tier. Delicious. 10/10
Yummy snack, it's in Skittles, I am biased. OH yeah, q is S tier and j is F tier. Idk if I said that before. Moving on!
Unrelated, I think I got a headache, but it's probably fine
Okay, next snack! Let's see what we got here.
Ah yes, the precursor to Red 40, Red 3. It's a healthy additive that companies like Kraft, General Foods, and Nestle (Why is it always Nestle?) put in their stuff to stop "Enzyme function", whatever that means. Its real name is Erythrosine, and it used to be in stuff like Jell-O and candies and other red stuff.
So to start off with this ranking, I have some issues, Red 3 was banned in the US in 1990, and I live in California, which if you don't live here, this is how it feels to live here:
like bro let me do my many experiments in peace. So what if I want to buy ***** ***** and mix it with ****** and ***, and then get a matchbook and use ******* **** and then get pvc pipes and. Hold on, getting a call
'Kay apparently I can't say that on hypixel. Moving on, how do I obtain red 3? This is a real predicament, I mean, how the **** do I get something that's banned, let alone banned 35 ****ing years ago???
"Black market."
What?
"The Black Market"
Who the **** is talking here this is my damn post
"It's me, Sirius Dark Auction."
Sirius dark auction?
"Dark Auction*"
What?
"It's my last name, capitalize it."
Your name is Sirius Dark Auction?
"Yes."
... Okay. So uh, how much red 3 do you have?
"10 Tons."
What the **** where did you get 10 TONS OF RED 3???
"The Salmon have Red 3 in them."
What.
"Few people know but the Dark Auction family first made it's money through Red 3 laundering, we used to be fishermen."
ok. Uh, not sure what to say.
"Make a bid."
Okayyyy uh, my hyperion?
"A little low, but sure."
Soooo I'm gonna have to grind farming again for a new hyperion, but I got the red 3. So, now how to ingest it. The Red 40 I mixed with water to get a full fish tank of the stuff, but like, I wanna be unique. If I do the same thing every time you guys are just gonna click off, at least I think you guys will, you might've already.
Yes, I made a 15 ton pool of red 3 jello, what about it? Huh? I'm the one making the tier list. Don't judge me.
I took a few bites, and gotta say, should've added more sugar, but honestly, not that bad. I'm gonna give it a shelevtyeah out of 38.
Next thing I think, uh, it was Yellow 6?
Yellow 6, also known as Sunset Yellow FCF, it's a synthetic dye used in food and drinks to stop 'cellular metabolic homeostasis'. Apparently that's good for people, because the United States hasn't banned it yet! Yippee, that means no black market deals for me.
I'll just go to the store and get some-
Are you ****ing kidding me? This is bull****, HOW IS EVERY ITEM IN THE GROCERY STORE SOLD OUT??? WHAT?
okay, desperate times comes for desperate measures. I should call someone, maybe someone will have something that has yellow 6 in it right? Let's see, do I have any contacts that could come in handy? What is Yellow 6 even made of?
According to my ingenius brain (ChatGPT), Yellow 6 is made of petroleum based hydrocarbons and like treated with nitration... okay who would have hydrocarbons?
Maybe like, a bone scientist.
"But q, I thought you were a scientist?" I'm not a bone scientist, idiot. I'm a red 40 scientist. Try to keep up.
Alright, I think I got a bone scientist in mind,
"Who's calling me?"
Hey Walt, been some time eh?
"You're not Jesse who the **** are you?"
Ok listen Walt, do you have any Yellow 6?
"What."
Yellow 6, I need it, for my many experiments, Walt.
"Uhh, I'm gonna have to check with the boss, give me a minute."
"Alright, let's see, I'm using a burner... what was his number again...? 1-800-Car-Facts...?"
"Hey, it's Walter, did I call the right number?"
"Hey Walt, how's it goin', boss aint available right now. He put me in charge of the Dye Business while he did a personal deal."
Damnit, I hate working with mike, "Alright, uh, can I trade some random dude some Yellow 6?"
"Yellow 6? Why'd you need yellow 6? That's such a random ****ing chemical- aint that **** made of Petroleum."
"Listen, Mike, you don't get it, the Dye Business, it's MY thing, not yours, so if I need to make a trade I need to make a trade"
"Alright, you wanna play? Got it, pull up. I'm outside."
"
I never got a call back. Soooo uh, I don't really know what to do now. Maybe I'll come back to it, for now I'll just put yellow 6 in j because I literally cannot obtain it. First j tier.
Uh, onto the next one?
Soooo uh, the store's sold out, so how am I gonna get my hands on the next dye...?
I guess I should preface that the next one is Blue 1, also known as Brilliant Blue... uh, yap yap yap explanation explanation explanation, it displays an electric shock to your brain, so that's... fun.
Let me try something, ChatGPT what's Blue 1 in?
Alright we're robbing a Hospital, and we're gonna do it stealthily. We need a plan. Pretend to be a doctor? Get a fake prescription?
Well whatever, no plan might work better than a plan.
Where the **** am I? Well, whatever, Princeton-Plainsboro hospital is still a hospital.
Okay, so, guys I got some stuff
Frankly, I don't know what's in these pills, and I don't care. I'm downing them all, they taste like blue raspberry.
I mean, honestly, I feel like I just punched the ****ing sun, but it's probably fine. I rate Blue 1 an A tier.
Honestly? Thought this was gonna go a lot worse.
Hold on, getting a call.
I am not attending that **** dude.
Anyways, uh, maybe I'll come back for the rest of the day. Weirdly enough I've been feeling a little weird after all of this testing, like, my headache's gotten worse, I'm overheating, I lost feeling in both my legs, I'm growing dark spots all over my body, 3 of my fingers fell off...
Glad I ate all this healthy stuff to balance out whatever sickness is killing me, I'll regrow my fingers soon.
This was supposed to be a short post.
Alright so I'm just gonna start off with the Classic, and I'm of course talking about Red 40.
Red 40, also known as Allura Red AC, is a food dye made from petroleum-based chemicals. They basically take petroleum stuff and then mix it with nitrogen stuff and boom, now you got skittles. This is 100% how it works, I'm a scientist, trust me.
This means that it's part of the Azo Dye Family. A notoriously healthy food group, said to be essential and carry a semi-essential Amino Acid (Thats what they told the tumor rats).
So I had a fish tank of red 40.
Anyways, the ranking for this has GOT to be a q tier. Delicious. 10/10
Yummy snack, it's in Skittles, I am biased. OH yeah, q is S tier and j is F tier. Idk if I said that before. Moving on!
Unrelated, I think I got a headache, but it's probably fine
Okay, next snack! Let's see what we got here.
Ah yes, the precursor to Red 40, Red 3. It's a healthy additive that companies like Kraft, General Foods, and Nestle (Why is it always Nestle?) put in their stuff to stop "Enzyme function", whatever that means. Its real name is Erythrosine, and it used to be in stuff like Jell-O and candies and other red stuff.
So to start off with this ranking, I have some issues, Red 3 was banned in the US in 1990, and I live in California, which if you don't live here, this is how it feels to live here:
like bro let me do my many experiments in peace. So what if I want to buy ***** ***** and mix it with ****** and ***, and then get a matchbook and use ******* **** and then get pvc pipes and. Hold on, getting a call
'Kay apparently I can't say that on hypixel. Moving on, how do I obtain red 3? This is a real predicament, I mean, how the **** do I get something that's banned, let alone banned 35 ****ing years ago???
"Black market."
What?
"The Black Market"
Who the **** is talking here this is my damn post
"It's me, Sirius Dark Auction."
Sirius dark auction?
"Dark Auction*"
What?
"It's my last name, capitalize it."
Your name is Sirius Dark Auction?
"Yes."
... Okay. So uh, how much red 3 do you have?
"10 Tons."
What the **** where did you get 10 TONS OF RED 3???
"The Salmon have Red 3 in them."
What.
"Few people know but the Dark Auction family first made it's money through Red 3 laundering, we used to be fishermen."
ok. Uh, not sure what to say.
"Make a bid."
Okayyyy uh, my hyperion?
"A little low, but sure."
Soooo I'm gonna have to grind farming again for a new hyperion, but I got the red 3. So, now how to ingest it. The Red 40 I mixed with water to get a full fish tank of the stuff, but like, I wanna be unique. If I do the same thing every time you guys are just gonna click off, at least I think you guys will, you might've already.
Yes, I made a 15 ton pool of red 3 jello, what about it? Huh? I'm the one making the tier list. Don't judge me.
I took a few bites, and gotta say, should've added more sugar, but honestly, not that bad. I'm gonna give it a shelevtyeah out of 38.
Next thing I think, uh, it was Yellow 6?
Yellow 6, also known as Sunset Yellow FCF, it's a synthetic dye used in food and drinks to stop 'cellular metabolic homeostasis'. Apparently that's good for people, because the United States hasn't banned it yet! Yippee, that means no black market deals for me.
I'll just go to the store and get some-
Are you ****ing kidding me? This is bull****, HOW IS EVERY ITEM IN THE GROCERY STORE SOLD OUT??? WHAT?
okay, desperate times comes for desperate measures. I should call someone, maybe someone will have something that has yellow 6 in it right? Let's see, do I have any contacts that could come in handy? What is Yellow 6 even made of?
According to my ingenius brain (ChatGPT), Yellow 6 is made of petroleum based hydrocarbons and like treated with nitration... okay who would have hydrocarbons?
Maybe like, a bone scientist.
"But q, I thought you were a scientist?" I'm not a bone scientist, idiot. I'm a red 40 scientist. Try to keep up.
Alright, I think I got a bone scientist in mind,
"Who's calling me?"
Hey Walt, been some time eh?
"You're not Jesse who the **** are you?"
Ok listen Walt, do you have any Yellow 6?
"What."
Yellow 6, I need it, for my many experiments, Walt.
"Uhh, I'm gonna have to check with the boss, give me a minute."
"Alright, let's see, I'm using a burner... what was his number again...? 1-800-Car-Facts...?"
"Hey, it's Walter, did I call the right number?"
"Hey Walt, how's it goin', boss aint available right now. He put me in charge of the Dye Business while he did a personal deal."
Damnit, I hate working with mike, "Alright, uh, can I trade some random dude some Yellow 6?"
"Yellow 6? Why'd you need yellow 6? That's such a random ****ing chemical- aint that **** made of Petroleum."
"Listen, Mike, you don't get it, the Dye Business, it's MY thing, not yours, so if I need to make a trade I need to make a trade"
"Alright, you wanna play? Got it, pull up. I'm outside."
I never got a call back. Soooo uh, I don't really know what to do now. Maybe I'll come back to it, for now I'll just put yellow 6 in j because I literally cannot obtain it. First j tier.
Uh, onto the next one?
Soooo uh, the store's sold out, so how am I gonna get my hands on the next dye...?
I guess I should preface that the next one is Blue 1, also known as Brilliant Blue... uh, yap yap yap explanation explanation explanation, it displays an electric shock to your brain, so that's... fun.
Let me try something, ChatGPT what's Blue 1 in?
Alright we're robbing a Hospital, and we're gonna do it stealthily. We need a plan. Pretend to be a doctor? Get a fake prescription?
Well whatever, no plan might work better than a plan.
Where the **** am I? Well, whatever, Princeton-Plainsboro hospital is still a hospital.
Heyyyyy, I'd like to get a doctor's visit.
"Yeah I'd imagine, we're in a hospital."
...Okay. So, uh, can I get a visit?
"If you want a responsible doctor, it'll be a wait"
How long's the wait?
"40 hours and 36,000 dollars."
What do you mean 36,000 dollars??
"It costs you to wait, everything costs money. This is a hospital."
Okay well, damn, I'll take the irresponsible doctor then.
"Alright, come this way."
...
This is my doctor?
"Hello, got a name, hoodie wearing idiot?"
Uh, q?
"Ah, fake name for a fake patient. I'm Doctor House."
No, my name is genuinely q.
"Yeah, sure it is, now go sit down on the bed."
I'm pretty sure that's the wrong type of bed, aren't there like, regular beds or something? Not the ones where you put actual sick people?
"You walked into an emergency room and expected to be given a pediatrician bed?"
I mean, is it so hard to ask for something like that?
"Okay why are you here."
I am here because, uh, okay hold on let me google something
Okay I need advil... BLUE advil.
"Blue advil? Going to need a green Phoenix to go with it?"
Ok i'm gonna level with you, I need Blue 1 and there's nowhere I can get it.
"I'm not just gonna prescribe you your sick quick fix"
SURPRISE ATTACK
"What?"
"Yeah I'd imagine, we're in a hospital."
...Okay. So, uh, can I get a visit?
"If you want a responsible doctor, it'll be a wait"
How long's the wait?
"40 hours and 36,000 dollars."
What do you mean 36,000 dollars??
"It costs you to wait, everything costs money. This is a hospital."
Okay well, damn, I'll take the irresponsible doctor then.
"Alright, come this way."
...
This is my doctor?
"Hello, got a name, hoodie wearing idiot?"
Uh, q?
"Ah, fake name for a fake patient. I'm Doctor House."
No, my name is genuinely q.
"Yeah, sure it is, now go sit down on the bed."
I'm pretty sure that's the wrong type of bed, aren't there like, regular beds or something? Not the ones where you put actual sick people?
"You walked into an emergency room and expected to be given a pediatrician bed?"
I mean, is it so hard to ask for something like that?
"Okay why are you here."
I am here because, uh, okay hold on let me google something
Okay I need advil... BLUE advil.
"Blue advil? Going to need a green Phoenix to go with it?"
Ok i'm gonna level with you, I need Blue 1 and there's nowhere I can get it.
"I'm not just gonna prescribe you your sick quick fix"
SURPRISE ATTACK
"What?"
Okay, so, guys I got some stuff
Frankly, I don't know what's in these pills, and I don't care. I'm downing them all, they taste like blue raspberry.
I mean, honestly, I feel like I just punched the ****ing sun, but it's probably fine. I rate Blue 1 an A tier.
Honestly? Thought this was gonna go a lot worse.
Hold on, getting a call.
Hey, who is this?
"It's Hank, a DEA Agent. Listen, q, you worked with us in the past, and I gotta tell ya', some sick ****s in the Dye Business killed Walt."
Whaaaat? Oh nooo. Uh, that's awful. (That bastard never got me my yellow dye)
"Can you attend his funeral this week? It's on saturday."
Yeahhh, sureeeeee.
"It's Hank, a DEA Agent. Listen, q, you worked with us in the past, and I gotta tell ya', some sick ****s in the Dye Business killed Walt."
Whaaaat? Oh nooo. Uh, that's awful. (That bastard never got me my yellow dye)
"Can you attend his funeral this week? It's on saturday."
Yeahhh, sureeeeee.
I am not attending that **** dude.
Anyways, uh, maybe I'll come back for the rest of the day. Weirdly enough I've been feeling a little weird after all of this testing, like, my headache's gotten worse, I'm overheating, I lost feeling in both my legs, I'm growing dark spots all over my body, 3 of my fingers fell off...
Glad I ate all this healthy stuff to balance out whatever sickness is killing me, I'll regrow my fingers soon.
This was supposed to be a short post.
Last edited:
