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I am very bad at doing work on time. Wahoo! E.g. essay due next Thursday that I have half of two paragraphs drafted. Two. Out of five! Aaa! May 19, 2019 at 4:34 PM
- Trying to salvage what remains of my sanity.
Welcome to Limbo my Info Page. Shoo.
I’m Astatine, if you don’t know already. Or Shatter. Occasionally go by ShatterFalling, an older username I’m sometimes called by. Or one of my several other aliases. I've stopped playing Minecraft for the most part, so this is probably the only place you're likely to find me. Don't even bother asking to play, I don't currently own any devices that are compatible with Minecraft. Really need a companion? Go ask one of those people who can't even take a one-week ban. Pitiful, but at least they'll be there constantly. Maybe not even then. There's no one left in the end, really.
I had a goal of 10K kills goin’ on in Wizards, once upon a universe. Got forced into a break, and got too rusty to do much. Fantastic. I have a lot of deaths that I have no idea where they came from, since I don’t die too frequently nowadays. And ChocolateNova’s called my strategy trash, I’m quite pleased, and considering I’ve seen them do the same? Who are they to say that, hah! Although now I'm a bit disappointed about my Wizards goals, since I've been offa Minecraft long enough that I'm probably going to be rusty as hell once I get back to playing, and that's just going to crash my K/D ratio. Not that I'd even be able to play properly, I don't even have a mouse to aim with, let alone a device that's compatible with Minecraft multiplayer. Even if I did, I'd probably just retreat back to singleplayer, or screw with the HPM crew on their server.
I finally got an Xbox at least, so I can get around to playing singleplayer Minecraft again. Maybe even screw around with my sibling once her controller arrives, that might actually be fun. Well, might. She's triggered. Over the controls, of all things. And the fact that the Xbox doesn't come with Peggle, of all games. Then again, I'm not really sure what I expected.
I got a couple more Xbox games, fun. Although they're pre-owned and I'm not sure how to even play them. No Man's Sky and something else that I don't recognize. Flip side, my sibling and her friends tried playing Minecraft today (2/19/19) and in short, they sucked at it. Well. They were lighting a village on fire in Creative mode, and trying to punch animals while repeatedly punching holes and falling into caves due to their inability to grasp the proper controls. And they dare to call themselves competent. Seriously? There's three of them using two controllers. How do they even plan to get anywhere?
I... exist. In a sort. Forums, my frequenting. Hosting Hunger Games, GMing some boss fights, murdering my former friends <and getting away with it, too>. In all essence, I simply lurk around and pretend I'm an active member of the community. It's fun. Kind of. Not anymore. Used to be, when people talked about things I could actually connect to. Endless blather! Things that really don't need to exist! Redundancy, asking the same questions over and over expecting something different to happen! I don't get how those people thrive in reality.
I feel useful. Well, not really. But I feel logical and chaotic and more than a bit ticked off about the condition of the Forums. My insanity's pushing me to be a Helper. At least, when I'm old enough. One day, I tell ya. Or perhaps not, considering how people refer to the staff team nowadays. They can't be all bad, y'know? Eh, whatever. Lack motivation and effort anyways, and there's a snowflake's chance in hell I'll ever be friendly enough for it. I'm insensitive as all get out, and my facade is simply humor and a sharp tongue nowadays. Losing the capability to act nice nowadays, what with all the blasphemy and nonsense some people are willing to believe, dammit! Then again, when all that they absorb is nonsense, you've got to believe something, in the end. Doesn't help their sense, though.
I change my mind on the above. I don't feel like I'd be of any help, not anymore. After all, hafta help myself first before I can move onto others. Not even sure if I can manage that, losing myself in my own twisty imagination. I should stop rewriting myself. I don't really get this place anymore.
I wish I was more skilled at the things that matter, at least to me. I wish I knew what really matters. What we do, in the grand scheme of things, none of it will really matter. What's the point of anything? I like science, but my attention span's short and I hate having to explain how I did my work to the person who already has the answer key in their hands. The answers, at some point, won't matter. The explanations won't either. Time and time again. Why do we need to know these things we'll never use?
I don't really know if any of that matters anymore, really. Just nothin' to it. It's not really like any of my interests ever last, anyway. The archery classes stopped a long time ago, science grades dropped harder than my motivation somehow, and it's only a matter of time before parents find out about the latter and then I really won't have anything I'd rather do. Of course. They're not even just out of touch with my emotions at this point, gee golly.
I happened to join in a Hypixel Danganronpa thing, for fun. Wahoo. More excuses to fictionally murder unknown anons, seen only through a screen. At least people act humorous and cheerful about it rather than the horror and shunning of the 'real' world. People will be people, so plain-as-porridge and set in moral stone. What's the point, pretending to have morals when all they seek is profit? Hypocrites, the headless masses. Hypocrite, myself, too. I'm not going to pretend I'm the king of the hill. Never wanted to be. Having the moral high ground isn't going to work forever. There's no way I'd ever have it, not with people being so soft and sensitive.
I'm worried about the long-term. Eh. Less worried, more concerned for my health and sanity. Suppose that's normal, but I've really never had any plans for the world past 18. College, learning, working jobs to scrape what little cash I'd be able while preparing for years of sitting behind a desk and pretending I'm happy? The very notion of romantics and creating a family is something I will not strive for, I've never been interested in the congealed mess of redundant personalities and blurry faces that composes the people of this world. And I'm apparently supposed to embrace this as my life even while we tear apart the very world we reside in. Maybe I'm pessimistic, or maybe I'm right.
I'm tired of the present. Parents prattling on and on about college prep and AP courses. They're expecting me to get at least three AP courses, to even be 'considered' by whatever big college they'll eventually settle upon forcing me at. I couldn't even get assigned into Honors for the upcoming 10th grade year, and they want me to try to aim for four or five. Really now? I have five main subjects a year, and four years. 1/4 of that to consist of APs? I know how well I can study, and it's not cut out for that. It's almost not worth trying for, if I wasn't just that worried that maybe I'll still be around for that fallout. Guess I'll just stare at the ceiling some more, there's not much I truly want to do that'd be a better use of time.
I have no idea how I'm supposed to interact with the social groups of my high school. Everyone's formed into groups already, which I have no interest in joining. I fail to understand how people seem to think I'd ever be interested in their conversations of celebrity gossip, sports, and insulting the teachers and other students. They're all either shallow, conceited brats or too closely intertwined with one for me to rather it. I hate social systems, and hate how my parents think I'm socially inept because of it. I know normal social behavior, there's just no one worth wasting my breath on. And I prolly don' got much more of that anyway, what with the hand I was dealt.
I don't know anymore. Live is life, so we do the best we can. But sometimes it's just not living anymore, and your best yields nothing but pain and no gain. And then what can we do, when the world feels bleak and hopeless? I'm supposed to enjoy my childhood years. But school, expectations, reality? Falling knives that I can't dodge forever. But I'll try to keep the facade of a happy, innocent individual for as long as I can, anyways. Don't know for who, anymore.
I guess everything's fallin' apart again. I don't really have anything left to do, that I really enjoy. I’m bored, exhausted, uncaring, unneeded. Real life, forums, here, there, elsewhere, who knows. It’s a constant. There's nothing really left for me, at this point. And I'm young, compared to some people. What does that spell for you? And besides, what’s real here? I just feel transparent nowadays. And I can't be bothered to care, honestly. Life won't stop for me, even if it's just an endless loop of toil and tedium. Which it is, really. I expect I'll be nothing more than a footnote once my time comes to pass. So many things to say, some of which might not be true? Who knows? Not you. Not me. Who knows? We'll see. Still got no idea what the hell's wrong with me.
I guess I'll just continue flipping between three, four, five? different ways of acting and pretend them and I can tolerate each others presence.
Astatine's Personal Directory of Things
Hypixel Danganronpa: (Game 0, Game 1, Game 2, Game 3, Game 4, Game 5, Game 6.inf,)
Hypixel Danganronpa Stats since I figure I'll be a slightly present participant
Kills are - By my Actions/Total Including Collateral Trial Death
Game 1: Ultimate Hunter - Winner <Trial 2> - Kills: 1/4 - Ryast (Night 3? Victim), YoshiDaYoshi (Trial Lynch), p0pturt + Projectionist (Trial Victims)
Game 2: Ultimate Hunter again - Lynched < Trial 1>, Revived <Night 3>, Winner <Trial 3> - Kills: 4/6 - Zichy + JavaBrine (Night 1 Victims), NanoCourse + Skullmaster4 (Night 5 Victims), Mobocracy (Trial 3 Lynch), NetherNitro (Trial Victim)
Game 3: Co-mod with Skullmaster4.
Game 4: Ultimate Survivor - Lynched <Trial 2>, Replaced In w/ Sulit + Hungurr, Trial Victim <Trial 3>, Hecking Ghost Hydra < - Kills: 1/1 - Apple_iPwn_U <Night 3 Victim>
Game 5: Ultimate Mage-unless-i'm-not
Awards and All That Jazz
Game 1: Did awards even exist
Game 2: Longest PM (34 Pages, fight me)
Game 3: begone
Game 4: Craziest Plan, Most Unexpected Loss, Most Actions
Game 5: N/A
SignatureI am out of ideas for what to say here so I suppose I shall simply put several sentences of pointless ramblings here. For I see why not, I have nothing better to say at the moment, and this moment needs nothing more said.
The creator of the "Forum Games/Hunger Games Simulator", "Forum Duels", "War of Luck 2.0" and "1000 Bottles of Pop on the Wall" threads, Head GM of the "Forum Adventurers" thread, attempting (and failing) to continue a "Donjon" thread, and I dunno. I'm massively disorganized.
"No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while, you'll see why." - Mignon McLaughlin