Astatine
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Searching for an escape from this reality.
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On a quest for proper fun and happiness.

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Astatine

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Emotions going twisted and whack, outta control. Don' really know what's going on anymore, feels like reality's at a disconnect. Or it's me. Nov 12, 2018 at 9:43 PM

    1. Astatine
      Astatine
      Emotions going twisted and whack, outta control. Don' really know what's going on anymore, feels like reality's at a disconnect. Or it's me.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        Yay, I feel pointless again... fah, I'm just bored. Constantly. I really don't know what to do at this point, considering the things I gain interest in tend to be fleeting, or become time-consuming issues in themselves. It's kind of ironic that the lack of things to do is also preventing me from getting the things I need to do done. Oh well, suppose that's a me issue. Who knows, anymore.
        Nov 13, 2018 at 5:02 PM
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        I feel like I'm essentially just repeating the same thing over and over in these messages. I mean, to be fair, there's nothing new worth commenting upon anymore. Never is, really. Just the minor inconsequential things that no one should be caring about but everyone does anyway. Live is life. Just wish it wasn't living this way, verdamnt. Hopefully it changes for the better.
        Nov 13, 2018 at 5:24 PM
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        But hope is a fickle thing. Living one's life hoping while doing nothing gets 'em nothing, but a life without it makes nothing worth doing. I'm not sure how I expected to understand what's going on here, but I suppose I'll be forced to change eventually, for better or worse, that's what's to be told of the future. With some luck, for there's nothing else left to give.
        Nov 13, 2018 at 5:26 PM
    2. The_Greatest_Noob
      The_Greatest_Noob
      Is your profile based of of "What If?" ?
      1. Exosphere likes this.
      2. Exosphere
        Exosphere
        I think so
        Nov 10, 2018 at 10:09 PM
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        It's just from the xkcd webcomics, not from either of the books.
        Nov 10, 2018 at 10:09 PM
        xPartyLlama and Exosphere like this.
      4. The_Greatest_Noob
        The_Greatest_Noob
        It's right next to my bed, as of now.
        Nov 10, 2018 at 10:11 PM
        Exosphere likes this.
    3. Alkalined
      Alkalined
      How entertaining.
      1. xPartyLlama and Exosphere like this.
    4. Astatine
      Astatine
      I just don't know what to say anymore.
      1. xPartyLlama and Exosphere like this.
    5. Astatine
      Astatine
      Haha! Go, uh, perish, I guess! I'll just pretend I have some motivation to continue existing. Isn't that fun? Absolutely so, until it ain't.
      1. xPartyLlama likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        Fun. Indeed. Doesn't really occur anymore, really. Not sure why I keep saying it. Maybe to pretend something still is. Maybe to act like I'm actually happy for once. Perhaps simply to believe I care. What do I even want anymore? Fun and happiness seems so distant a goal now, compared to when I set it all those months ago. And I'm supposed to be happy. Supposed to do what I'm told, and enjoy it.
        Nov 6, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        "Enjoy your life," they all say. How am I supposed to do so while my mind functions like this? Motivation turns into a blur of negatives. Deadlines and due dates melding together into impending doom. Procrastination and relaxation, a way to convince myself I'm happy for one more moment, even as it dulls and blurs into neutrality and stops working.
        Nov 6, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      5. Astatine
        Astatine
        When the only way to stay happy now is to put off what will benefit me much later, I'm not sure what to do. Sure, it might be good later, but chances are it might not even have been worth the effort. And if I put all my time and energy into that, there's no happiness left for the now, nothing to keep me going. And there's not even the guarantee that I'd be around to reap the profit, in the end.
        Nov 6, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
    6. Astatine
      Astatine
      Goddammit. I need to fix my science grades, and the 35%-of-grade exam is perfect for that. If only I could actually focus on my damned work!
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        That I'm a lazy child who spends their days on the internet whining about their life problems that they might actually be able to fix if they only had the motivation and effort. Just like practically anyone else who uses a social medium of some sort will eventually devolve to, ahaha? Complaining about our problems instead of trying to solve them, hum?
        Nov 6, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      3. MagicAkk
        MagicAkk
        do the big delete account
        Nov 6, 2018
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        Fah, but here's actually fun for the most part. Besides, progress.
        Nov 6, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
    7. Astatine
      Astatine
      Every day feels purposeless, at this point. The few redeeming moments are found while procrastinating instead of doing something 'useful'...
      1. xPartyLlama likes this.
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        Summary of my existence right now is that I'm trying to pursue academic progress, but pressure from parents and other obligations I've signed myself into are constantly chipping away at my mental health, decreasing my motivation to pursue other tasks that I need to do, as well as just generally being a death spiral. How entertaining...
        Oct 30, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
    8. AgneCat
      AgneCat
      perish
      1. Astatine
        Astatine
        thee
        Oct 26, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
    9. Astatine
      Astatine
      Goddammit, I'm supposed to be having fun. Not whatever I'm feeling nowadays.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        No, it's not from sleep deprivation. Well, probably not. It's quite the constant, nowadays. I just feel like there's no point to doing much of anything anymore, even if it actually is of importance. I mean, really. I'm typing this when I still have work I'm supposed to do. And I still have more than a couple years of this to go.
        Oct 24, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        And then what. I'll be expected to fully support myself, live in a blur of work and bills and stress and fatigue. And well, I'm me. Procrastination in the search of fun and happiness. It's not going to happen, is it. But well, what am I supposed to do, otherwise?
        Oct 24, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      4. TheJeweledWolf
        TheJeweledWolf
        Yeah, I comepletely understand this.
        Oct 28, 2018
    10. Astatine
      Astatine
      I don't even know what I naturally act like anymore.
      1. xPartyLlama likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        Dead and alive, dead and alive, how fun, these forumgaaaames

        I just want to have fun, yet I can't really enjoy it anymore since reality is harsher than ever. I'm just me. Fah, I

        I dunno.

        Edit: Least I actually won the forumgame I was talking about. I'm still unable to feel satisfied. What.
        Oct 21, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        I can think of a situation and how to react to it, but which one would be real?
        Oct 21, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      5. Astatine
        Astatine
        Probably none. Even my own self has become just another mask on the pile, at this point. Can't tell. Who knows? Not you. Not even me. Pretend I understand what I need to do, pretend I feel like there's something left to care about, pretend I know myself at all.
        Oct 21, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
    11. Astatine
      Astatine
      I only now realize I've been pronouncing my name wrong for the entire time I've been on forums. Good thing this place is text-based, ahaha!
      1. xPartyLlama and Exosphere like this.
      2. Exosphere
        Exosphere
        how'd you pronounce it?
        Oct 25, 2018
    12. NanoCourse
      NanoCourse
      I would like my daily dose of philosophy please.
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        I'm not tired enough, wheee
        Oct 20, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      3. NanoCourse
        NanoCourse
        you need sleep
        Oct 20, 2018
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        I woke up, what, 3 hours ago?

        I don't even know if I can call it philosophy anymore.
        Oct 20, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
    13. Astatine
      Astatine
      Am I wasting my life? Is it really wasting it if one is gaining practically nothing from it? Sure, there's it's moments. But is it worth it?
      1. xPartyLlama likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        Surely, if I was happy with this existence, I'd know by now. But how can I change it? Every action has it's consequences, but how can I keep everything on track like people expect me to? I'm not as magic as I portray myself to be, pah. What would I even do, anyways? Hide on the internet all day? Hide away in a cave forever? Neither appeal to me. What options are there, anymore?
        Oct 18, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        Who am I kidding. Will anything really get done, in the end? When did everything go this way? How can people claim they're helping when they have no idea what I actually need? Alas, people will be people. Maybe one day, I'll get luck enough, but the odds are astronomical, and would it really be helpful anymore, by then? There's other options, of course, but they're not exactly ideal, in my regards.
        Oct 18, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
      5. Astatine
        Astatine
        But what else is there to do? Surely, if something worked, stuff would have changed. But it hasn't, and it's just twisting me into a shadow of my former self. Is this temporary, is this forever? Is there really any way to know?
        Oct 18, 2018
        xPartyLlama likes this.
    14. Astatine
      Astatine
      The subject of Happiness. How do we achieve it? Would it really be genuine? Have we forgotten what it's like, or is it only me believing so?
      1. xPartyLlama likes this.
    15. Astatine
      Astatine
      Surviving and living are two very different things, yea? Although I'm still alive physically, I don't feel like I'm really living anymore...
      1. xPartyLlama and Exosphere like this.
      2. Exosphere
        Exosphere
        are you depressed?
        Oct 15, 2018
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        I can't be sure myself, I mean.
        Oct 15, 2018
        xPartyLlama and Exosphere like this.
      4. Exosphere
        Exosphere
        I recall you saying you had a disorder of some kind, but I'm not sure since I couldn't find it again
        Oct 15, 2018
    16. JavaBrine
      JavaBrine
      perish
      1. View previous comments...
      2. JavaBrine
        JavaBrine
        Yerself
        Oct 7, 2018
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        Why are we doing this...
        Oct 7, 2018
      4. JavaBrine
        JavaBrine
        I don't know
        Oct 8, 2018
    17. Astatine
      Astatine
      Life's supposed to be of ups and downs. But what can we do if there's no real ups anymore? How much can my mind sustain? Do I want to know?
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        Cease yerself.
        Oct 5, 2018
      3. MagicAkk
        MagicAkk
        shutup
        Oct 5, 2018
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        how fun
        Oct 5, 2018
    18. enderasher
    19. Astatine
      Astatine
      I dunno what to put here. Nothing really feels all that notable. Guess I'll spend eternity waiting for something of significance then, ahaha
      1. NetherNitro likes this.
      2. NetherNitro
        NetherNitro
        Same.
        Sep 30, 2018
    20. NetherNitro
      NetherNitro
      MERRY CHRISTMAS
      1. NoLiferRobo
        NoLiferRobo
        Hey there nitro
        Sep 29, 2018
        NetherNitro likes this.
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  • About

    Location:
    Searching for an escape from this reality.
    Occupation:
    On a quest for proper fun and happiness.
    Minecraft:
    Inversely
    Welcome to Limbo my Info Page.

    I’m Astatine, if you don’t know already. Or Shatter. Occasionally go by ShatterFalling, an older username I’m usually called by. I've stopped playing Minecraft for the most part, so this is probably the only place you're likely to find me. Don't even bother asking to play, I don't currently own any devices that are compatible with Minecraft. Really need a companion? Go ask one of those people who can't even take a one-week ban. Pitiful, but at least they'll be there constantly.

    I had a goal of 10K kills goin’ on in Wizards, once upon a universe. Got forced into a break, and got too rusty to do much. Fantastic. I have a lot of deaths that I have no idea where they came from, since I don’t die too frequently nowadays. And ChocolateNova’s called my strategy trash, I’m quite pleased, and considering I’ve seen them do the same? Who are they to say that, hah!

    I... exist. In a sort. Forums, my frequenting. Hosting Hunger Games, GMing some boss fights, murdering my former friends <and getting away with it, too>. In all essence, I simply lurk around and pretend I'm an active member of the community. It's fun. Kind of. Not anymore. Well, Offtopic is another place of frequentings. I sometimes have quite a bit to do and/or say there, although the forum quality is slowly but steadily decreasing. Well, it's what I do, yea? Eh, Hypixel Server Discussion is another one, although not always constantly. Now what.

    I feel useful. Well, not really. But I feel logical and chaotic and more than a bit ticked off about the condition of the Forums. My insanity's pushing me to be a Helper. At least, when I'm old enough. One day, I tell ya. Or perhaps not, considering how people refer to the staff team nowadays. They can't be all bad, y'know? Eh, whatever. Lack motivation and effort anyways, and there's a snowflake's chance in hell I'll ever be friendly enough for it. I'm insensitive as all get out, and my facade is simply humor and a sharp tongue nowadays. Losing the capability to act nice nowadays, what with all the blasphemy and nonsense some people are willing to believe, dammit!

    I wish I was more skilled at the things that matter, at least to me. I don't know why I'm so interested in bladecraft, but I'll probably never learn. Archery might be easier, there's at least classes nearby, albeit a cramped schedule and nowhere to practice helps nothing. Science, at least, should come to me easily (I mean, my name, dammit!) but it turns out my attention span is quite fragile, to say the least. Now what? I have no real plans in life, and the day I'll need one is coming ever nearer.

    I play Hypixel Mafia for the heck of it. I’m not skilled by any means, but I do have luck on my side. Usually. Not anymore. Now it's just turning into pain with no gain. Tearing at my schedule and sanity, but the people are actually decently kind compared to the rest. Should probably get some more clovers, just in case. Even if I feel like their luck's worn out. I do play Town of Salem too. I've had my moments, but I'm there for fun, not wins, and people resent me for that. I mean, I do win now and then, but it's never enough for some people. Humor, chaos, victory. The only things that truly sate my needs anymore, and I don't get enough.

    I also happened to join in a Hypixel Danganronpa thing, for fun. (Game 1) (Game 2) Let's just say, in short, that luck's been good. Currently the only person to have won both games, so I guess that counts as entertaining also. Still don't understand how my process there is related to my amateuristic mafia gameplay, ahaha! Oh well, I'll take what I get, and this seems to be good enough. Yet another excuse to kill everyone I know and lose trust in myself and others, indeed! Absolute fun.

    I don't know anymore. Live is life, so we do the best we can. But sometimes it's just not living anymore, and your best yields nothing but pain and no gain. And then what can we do, when the world feels bleak and hopeless? I'm supposed to enjoy my childhood years. But school, expectations, reality? Falling knives that I can't dodge forever. But I'll try to keep the facade of a happy, innocent individual for as long as I can, anyways. Don't know for who, anymore.

    I’m bored, exhausted, uncaring, unneeded. Real life, forums, here, there, elsewhere, who knows. It’s a constant. There's nothing really left for me, at this point. And I'm young, compared to some people. What does that spell for you? And besides, what’s real here? I just feel transparent nowadays. And I can't be bothered to care, honestly. Life won't stop for me, even if it's just an endless loop of toil and tedium. Which it is, really. I expect I'll be nothing more than a footnote once my time comes to pass. So many things to say, some of which might not be true? Who knows? Not you. Not me. Who knows? We'll see.

    Astatine's half-assed attempt at recording their Mafia Stats

    my shitty first game where I think I was that one VT that gets lynched at LyLo because I'm shit at the game and forgot it was LyLo too, whyyy
    Game 35: Astronaut Who's Access Key Keeps Breaking, the
    Town Alternating Commuter/Deflector. Victory, although I died from being generous with my deflect, lul. SUPREME FINISH THE GODDAMN FLAVOR POSTS AAAAA
    Minimafia within Game 35:
    Assassin. Actually managed to win without dying despite writing a huge text block in my DM over indecision.
    Game 25: Spookycat27, the
    Town Developer. Last lynch of the game, dying and losing as is the usual, how fun... I am incompetent.
    Game 38: White Male with Middle Income. Hydra'd with Gikkle. Best Townie Award which is 99.99% Gikkle while I just existed in the background.
    Minimafia 3 or summat: The worst
    Mafia Godfather you will ever see. Probably. Flavor was A=C and B=C therefore B=C A=C.

    Signature

    The creator of the Forum Games/Hunger Games Simulator thread, Head GM of the “Forum Adventures”, "Forum Duels" and "Survive the Apocalypse" forumgames, do I even count as a Roaster Poster anymore, and probably the most instinctive/indecisive combo of a mafia player you will ever see. Peacemaker and Peacebreaker role of the Forums, wakaka! We ain't what we look like, remember that. Even if I'm forgotten. It'll happen. It always does.

    “A visible piece of astatine would immediately vaporize itself because of the heat generated by its intense radioactivity... our cube would, briefly, contain more astatine than has ever been synthesized. I say “briefly” because it would immediately turn into a column of superheated gas. The heat alone would give third-degree burns to anyone nearby, and the building would be demolished. The cloud of hot gas would rise rapidly into the sky, pouring out heat and radiation. The explosion would be just the right size to maximize the amount of paperwork your lab would face. If the explosion were smaller, you could potentially cover it up. If it were larger, there would be no one left in the city to submit paperwork to.”

    "It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order."

    Mafia Status: Town W-L: 2/3 Mafia W-L: 0/0 Neutral W-L: 0/0 Deaths: 3/5
    MicroMafia Status: Town W-L: 0/0 Mafia W-L: 1/1 Neutral W-L: 0/0 Deaths: 1/2