Astatine
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Trying to salvage what remains of my sanity.

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Astatine

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I am very bad at doing work on time. Wahoo! E.g. essay due next Thursday that I have half of two paragraphs drafted. Two. Out of five! Aaa! May 19, 2019 at 4:34 PM

    1. Astatine
      Astatine
      I am very bad at doing work on time. Wahoo! E.g. essay due next Thursday that I have half of two paragraphs drafted. Two. Out of five! Aaa!
      1. Astatine
        Astatine
        at least it's the last english essay of the year since the english final project is supposed to be some multimedia whatever the heck
        May 19, 2019 at 4:35 PM
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        I am not the ideal classperson for reading projects. Mainly because I read fast so I finish the book ages before everyone else, but my brain tends to prefer sorting through plot instead of analyzing theme, so I'm junk at whatever project serves as the follow-up. Such is I! And that's why I read on my free time only, thank you very much-
        May 19, 2019 at 4:37 PM
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        i have gotten zero work done
        May 19, 2019 at 8:56 PM
    2. NetherNitro
      NetherNitro
      thwip thwip?
      1. MrEevee7 likes this.
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        thwip thwop flip flops
        May 14, 2019 at 8:41 PM
        MrEevee7 and NetherNitro like this.
      3. NetherNitro
        NetherNitro
        merf.
        May 14, 2019 at 8:52 PM
        MrEevee7 likes this.
    3. UZAIR455
      UZAIR455
      Astatine is a radioactive chemical element with symbol At and atomic number 85. It is the rarest naturally occurring element in the Earth's crust, occurring only as the decay product of various heavier elements.
      1. MrEevee7 and RentAsunderer like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. NetherNitro
        NetherNitro
        Is it though?
        May 15, 2019 at 4:37 PM
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      4. MrEevee7
        MrEevee7
        No it's not because I don't use UK spellings.
        May 15, 2019 at 4:38 PM
        NetherNitro likes this.
      5. NetherNitro
        May 15, 2019 at 4:41 PM
        MrEevee7 likes this.
    4. Astatine
      Astatine
      Sometimes I forget that other people actually have personalities, thoughts, independent minds of their own. Such is my life, of unknowing.
      1. MrEevee7 likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        The things I know I need to do, replaced by that which fulfills my happiness momentarily. The long term, we may spend our lives planning for, knowing that it is important, a priority, something we must strive for if we are to continue living in a house with sustainable necessities. But what if it's not a guarantee that we'll really make it there intact, physically or mentally? What of the present?
        May 11, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        I feel like all of this is an excuse to slack off instead of working on that history essay. Maybe that's always been my motive, and I've known that deep down, even as I continue to spend my hours tapping away at the keyboard, pretending to have morals, opinions, real thoughts on the world. But who knows, really. Hell, maybe this is just my hands and my brain is barely registering what I type at all!
        May 11, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      5. Astatine
        Astatine
        I don't know, really! Am I supposed to make myself feel better by putting myself down, in manners I don't even know I'm doing? What's to be done, go back to the things that I know I can't focus on at all? What's to be done about it? Nothing that matters, apparently. For what even matters, in these happenings of redundant work and unnecessary exhaustion? What's left to do? Why should we, so?
        May 11, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
    5. MicrosoftWindows
      MicrosoftWindows
      Hey, Psycho
      1. MrEevee7 likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. MicrosoftWindows
        MicrosoftWindows
        Confused
        May 11, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        What's your request.
        May 11, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      5. MicrosoftWindows
        MicrosoftWindows
        I'll tell you soon, just wanted to tell you if you are online on Discord
        May 11, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
    6. Astatine
      Astatine
      Canned soup! About one of the only things I actually am capable of cooking by myself, and that tastes good as well (in most cases). Wahoo?!
      1. Astatine
        Astatine
        I'm currently having a bowl of Butternut Squash Apple Bisque. One of the only soups that I don't need to dump a heckload of salt into to be pleased with.
        May 11, 2019
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        There's a bunch of canned stuff in a kitchen cabinet. M' parents usually let that stuff sit there and go to waste, but I like lookin' through it now and then. Found: Can of Curried Lentil Soup, Can of Black bean Soup, 5-6 cans of Baked Beans, Jar of Dried Rosemary, Jar of Garlic Powder, Jar of Ground Cinnamon, a Bag of Tapioca Powder, and best of all a nice glass jar of some chocolate-hazelnut stuff.
        May 11, 2019
      3. NetherNitro
        NetherNitro
        Mmm, chocolate-hazelnut stuff.
        May 12, 2019
    7. Astatine
      Astatine
      Why do I say "fun" even when it's not fun at all? To create an illusion, telling others that something is, when it isn't? That's no fun, hm?
      1. MrEevee7 likes this.
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        Side effect, I suppose, of having nothing to say. So it's what happens. It's not fun, but there's nothing else to be done, so "fun" it shall be. Even when it may be better for it to not. It's not like I really give a shoot about that, of others and their unfamiliar unrelated emotionalisms and rationals. A need-to-know basis, seems it seems. What's to be done about it? Nothing, really.
        May 5, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      3. NetherNitro
        NetherNitro
        Fun, isn't it?
        May 6, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      4. MrEevee7
        MrEevee7
        Fun
        May 6, 2019
        NetherNitro likes this.
    8. CoolKidz22
      CoolKidz22
      I cant believe you hid a frickin' rickroll in your information
      1. MrEevee7 likes this.
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        I still don't get why people bother to look in there. So that's what they get.
        May 5, 2019
        MrEevee7 and CoolKidz22 like this.
    9. Astatine
      Astatine
      People! They talk so much. Talk talk talk. Can't they shut up sometimes? If the subject actually mattered, then at least it'd be tolerable.
      1. MrEevee7 and CoolKidz22 like this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        I guess I'll actually get around to trying to do my work, since that's all that's expected of me, and all that that future really boils down to, in the years beyond! Workity-dos and forever days of never getting enough sleep to truly feel awake, let alone alive! I'd be optimistic if there were actually positive examples of this, but alas there's nothing to be done, the inevitability of living.
        May 5, 2019
      4. TheCakeisALie
        TheCakeisALie
        How long did it take you to write all that?
        May 10, 2019
      5. Astatine
        Astatine
        Maybe twenty minutes, not including the bit on Sunday.
        May 10, 2019
    10. Astatine
      Astatine
      If I had things to say then I'd have words to give, but as it is I am silent to the outside world, and all I get in return is empty chatter.
      1. MrEevee7 likes this.
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        ...people talk too much about the most insignificant things. Do I really want to hear about the school sports game, some unknown girl's latest shirt, whatever they're saying to badmouth some teacher or other? Didn't I say this already? I don't know. Sometimes, people seem shallow to everyone but themselves. Or maybe that's just me assuming. I can't get in their heads, I mean.
        Apr 30, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        Do we really know anything about other people? Sure, there's the stuff like their favorite color and what scarf they like to wear, but what about really getting to know the people themselves, and not just the facts and opinions that are listed along with them? I'm sure there's got to be more to these schoolkids than simple fleshy creatures babbling the same idle talk over and over.
        Apr 30, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        Maybe it's not fair of me to judge, considering I don't really know any of them. "If you see one, you've seen them all." Hell, we're supposed to be unique, diverse, but they all just seem the same, in the end. Clumping together in groups, babbling blather and laughing over the latest video of someone screaming or of pointless antics. How is that supposed to be appealing. Ridiculous, what we'll do for entertainment.
        Apr 30, 2019
        MrEevee7 likes this.
    11. NetherNitro
      NetherNitro
      fwoosh
      1. CoolKidz22 likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. NetherNitro
        NetherNitro
        hashbrowns?
        Apr 28, 2019
        CoolKidz22 likes this.
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        WAHOOSHBROWNS
        honestly that makes no sense and sounds gross
        Apr 28, 2019
        CoolKidz22 and NetherNitro like this.
      5. NetherNitro
        NetherNitro
        Seems legit.
        Apr 28, 2019
        CoolKidz22 likes this.
    12. Astatine
      Astatine
      I wonder, why I am the way I am, in the present. Was it a result of some past action, from my environment, or was it simply destined to be?
      1. MrEevee7 and Exosphere like this.
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        People don't want to be just 'normal', in most cases. Yet, because of that, wanting to be different is the new normal. Everyone wants to believe they're special. I've fallen prey to this quite a bit. To do something no one else can, to break records, have the highest scores? A sense of satisfaction, a desire to be the best. Yet even then, it can be cloaked in laziness, boredom, apathy.
        Apr 23, 2019
        Exosphere likes this.
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        Everyone wants to be special, but barely anyone can be bothered to make themselves so, wrapped up in our beliefs and overconfidence. We want to be the best, but also want to do it effortlessly. So we go nowhere, but we pretend we succeeded even so. What is truly special, anymore?
        Apr 23, 2019
        Exosphere likes this.
    13. Astatine
      Astatine
      I think I've lost my ambition. Maybe I've forgotten what I was seeking. Barely anything truly worth seeking, at least from my point of view.
      1. Exosphere likes this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        I don't know if this is because I indulge myself in tales of fiction and adventure, and would rather be there than here, or if it's just because I don't really 'enjoy' things. Entertainment is in the moment, sleep is swiftly forgotten, food is only worth it while I'm eating it. I think at some point my fiction-loving mindscape has turned into my expectations, and this world is unlikely to fulfill that, haha-
        Apr 23, 2019
      4. Astatine
        Astatine
        Happiness is a very unrealistic goal.
        Apr 23, 2019
      5. Astatine
        Astatine
        So is finishing all my homework.
        Apr 24, 2019
    14. Astatine
      Astatine
      In the course of a week, I've managed to completely destroy my sleep habits... it's 3 AM again, and I'm still awake... the third time, now?
    15. Astatine
      Astatine
      Oh heckin' heck, tornado warnings. Hoo.
      1. memer1 likes this.
    16. Astatine
      Astatine
      Sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to be in this time, this place. This wasn't meant for me, or was I not meant for this. Who really is?
      1. Exosphere likes this.
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        Side note I'm going to be on a trip for most of next week so expect updates on my threads to be, uh, even less frequent than they are now.
        Apr 12, 2019
        Exosphere and MrEevee7 like this.
      3. NetherNitro
        NetherNitro
        I get that.
        Apr 14, 2019
        Exosphere likes this.
    17. TheComputer8423
    18. Astatine
      Astatine
      I don't really have anything to say here so there's just this placeholder until I come up with something worth actually putting up here, eh?
      1. CoolKidz22 likes this.
    19. Astatine
      Astatine
      Why do grades really matter? Not just overall, but why the hell m' parents think it's the end of the world when I get one bad grade. Geez...
      1. View previous comments...
      2. Astatine
        Astatine
        They know how well I usually do, so stuff like that's a one-off. I mean, I get that they have the right to care, but they're pretty academic-based and they're definitely going to overreact a crap ton, as stated. Merf. I'd know, they've complained before when I got B+s in English, even though that's equal (if not better than) to people I know.
        Apr 5, 2019
      3. Astatine
        Astatine
        The mainly annoying part is that now they're going to assume I don't pay attention in class aaaaaahahahah friggin parents so out of touch with how I function-
        Apr 5, 2019
      4. Scythe
        Scythe
        I know this as much as you. My parents complain when I get a 93, and some people at my school are failing.
        Apr 5, 2019
    20. NetherNitro
      NetherNitro
      Goshdarn it I tried to press go to profile but it kept pressing the ignore button freaking mouse pads
      1. CoolKidz22 likes this.
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  • About

    Home Page:
    https://hypixel.net/members/astatine.1758314/
    Location:
    Searching for an escape from this reality.
    Occupation:
    Trying to salvage what remains of my sanity.
    Minecraft:
    Inversely
    Welcome to Limbo my Info Page. Shoo.

    I’m Astatine, if you don’t know already. Or Shatter. Occasionally go by ShatterFalling, an older username I’m sometimes called by. Or one of my several other aliases. I've stopped playing Minecraft for the most part, so this is probably the only place you're likely to find me. Don't even bother asking to play, I don't currently own any devices that are compatible with Minecraft. Really need a companion? Go ask one of those people who can't even take a one-week ban. Pitiful, but at least they'll be there constantly. Maybe not even then. There's no one left in the end, really.

    I had a goal of 10K kills goin’ on in Wizards, once upon a universe. Got forced into a break, and got too rusty to do much. Fantastic. I have a lot of deaths that I have no idea where they came from, since I don’t die too frequently nowadays. And ChocolateNova’s called my strategy trash, I’m quite pleased, and considering I’ve seen them do the same? Who are they to say that, hah! Although now I'm a bit disappointed about my Wizards goals, since I've been offa Minecraft long enough that I'm probably going to be rusty as hell once I get back to playing, and that's just going to crash my K/D ratio. Not that I'd even be able to play properly, I don't even have a mouse to aim with, let alone a device that's compatible with Minecraft multiplayer. Even if I did, I'd probably just retreat back to singleplayer, or screw with the HPM crew on their server.

    I finally got an Xbox at least, so I can get around to playing singleplayer Minecraft again. Maybe even screw around with my sibling once her controller arrives, that might actually be fun. Well, might. She's triggered. Over the controls, of all things. And the fact that the Xbox doesn't come with Peggle, of all games. Then again, I'm not really sure what I expected.

    I got a couple more Xbox games, fun. Although they're pre-owned and I'm not sure how to even play them. No Man's Sky and something else that I don't recognize. Flip side, my sibling and her friends tried playing Minecraft today (2/19/19) and in short, they sucked at it. Well. They were lighting a village on fire in Creative mode, and trying to punch animals while repeatedly punching holes and falling into caves due to their inability to grasp the proper controls. And they dare to call themselves competent. Seriously? There's three of them using two controllers. How do they even plan to get anywhere?


    I... exist. In a sort. Forums, my frequenting. Hosting Hunger Games, GMing some boss fights, murdering my former friends <and getting away with it, too>. In all essence, I simply lurk around and pretend I'm an active member of the community. It's fun. Kind of. Not anymore. Used to be, when people talked about things I could actually connect to. Endless blather! Things that really don't need to exist! Redundancy, asking the same questions over and over expecting something different to happen! I don't get how those people thrive in reality.

    I feel useful. Well, not really. But I feel logical and chaotic and more than a bit ticked off about the condition of the Forums. My insanity's pushing me to be a Helper. At least, when I'm old enough. One day, I tell ya. Or perhaps not, considering how people refer to the staff team nowadays. They can't be all bad, y'know? Eh, whatever. Lack motivation and effort anyways, and there's a snowflake's chance in hell I'll ever be friendly enough for it. I'm insensitive as all get out, and my facade is simply humor and a sharp tongue nowadays. Losing the capability to act nice nowadays, what with all the blasphemy and nonsense some people are willing to believe, dammit! Then again, when all that they absorb is nonsense, you've got to believe something, in the end. Doesn't help their sense, though.

    I change my mind on the above. I don't feel like I'd be of any help, not anymore. After all, hafta help myself first before I can move onto others. Not even sure if I can manage that, losing myself in my own twisty imagination. I should stop rewriting myself. I don't really get this place anymore.

    I wish I was more skilled at the things that matter, at least to me. I wish I knew what really matters. What we do, in the grand scheme of things, none of it will really matter. What's the point of anything? I like science, but my attention span's short and I hate having to explain how I did my work to the person who already has the answer key in their hands. The answers, at some point, won't matter. The explanations won't either. Time and time again. Why do we need to know these things we'll never use?


    I don't really know if any of that matters anymore, really. Just nothin' to it. It's not really like any of my interests ever last, anyway. The archery classes stopped a long time ago, science grades dropped harder than my motivation somehow, and it's only a matter of time before parents find out about the latter and then I really won't have anything I'd rather do. Of course. They're not even just out of touch with my emotions at this point, gee golly.


    I happened to join in a Hypixel Danganronpa thing, for fun. Wahoo. More excuses to fictionally murder unknown anons, seen only through a screen. At least people act humorous and cheerful about it rather than the horror and shunning of the 'real' world. People will be people, so plain-as-porridge and set in moral stone. What's the point, pretending to have morals when all they seek is profit? Hypocrites, the headless masses. Hypocrite, myself, too. I'm not going to pretend I'm the king of the hill. Never wanted to be. Having the moral high ground isn't going to work forever. There's no way I'd ever have it, not with people being so soft and sensitive.

    I'm worried about the long-term. Eh. Less worried, more concerned for my health and sanity. Suppose that's normal, but I've really never had any plans for the world past 18. College, learning, working jobs to scrape what little cash I'd be able while preparing for years of sitting behind a desk and pretending I'm happy? The very notion of romantics and creating a family is something I will not strive for, I've never been interested in the congealed mess of redundant personalities and blurry faces that composes the people of this world. And I'm apparently supposed to embrace this as my life even while we tear apart the very world we reside in. Maybe I'm pessimistic, or maybe I'm right.

    I'm tired of the present. Parents prattling on and on about college prep and AP courses. They're expecting me to get at least three AP courses, to even be 'considered' by whatever big college they'll eventually settle upon forcing me at. I couldn't even get assigned into Honors for the upcoming 10th grade year, and they want me to try to aim for four or five. Really now? I have five main subjects a year, and four years. 1/4 of that to consist of APs? I know how well I can study, and it's not cut out for that. It's almost not worth trying for, if I wasn't just that worried that maybe I'll still be around for that fallout. Guess I'll just stare at the ceiling some more, there's not much I truly want to do that'd be a better use of time.

    I have no idea how I'm supposed to interact with the social groups of my high school. Everyone's formed into groups already, which I have no interest in joining. I fail to understand how people seem to think I'd ever be interested in their conversations of celebrity gossip, sports, and insulting the teachers and other students. They're all either shallow, conceited brats or too closely intertwined with one for me to rather it. I hate social systems, and hate how my parents think I'm socially inept because of it. I know normal social behavior, there's just no one worth wasting my breath on. And I prolly don' got much more of that anyway, what with the hand I was dealt.

    I don't know anymore. Live is life, so we do the best we can. But sometimes it's just not living anymore, and your best yields nothing but pain and no gain. And then what can we do, when the world feels bleak and hopeless? I'm supposed to enjoy my childhood years. But school, expectations, reality? Falling knives that I can't dodge forever. But I'll try to keep the facade of a happy, innocent individual for as long as I can, anyways. Don't know for who, anymore.

    I guess everything's fallin' apart again. I don't really have anything left to do, that I really enjoy.
    I’m bored, exhausted, uncaring, unneeded. Real life, forums, here, there, elsewhere, who knows. It’s a constant. There's nothing really left for me, at this point. And I'm young, compared to some people. What does that spell for you? And besides, what’s real here? I just feel transparent nowadays. And I can't be bothered to care, honestly. Life won't stop for me, even if it's just an endless loop of toil and tedium. Which it is, really. I expect I'll be nothing more than a footnote once my time comes to pass. So many things to say, some of which might not be true? Who knows? Not you. Not me. Who knows? We'll see. Still got no idea what the hell's wrong with me.

    I guess I'll just continue flipping between three, four, five? different ways of acting and pretend them and I can tolerate each others presence.


    ...

    Astatine's Personal Directory of Things
    Hypixel Danganronpa: (Game 0, Game 1, Game 2, Game 3, Game 4, Game 5, Game 6.inf,)

    Hypixel Danganronpa Stats since I figure I'll be a slightly present participant

    Kills are - By my Actions/Total Including Collateral Trial Death

    Game 1: Ultimate Hunter - Winner <Trial 2> - Kills: 1/4 - Ryast (Night 3? Victim), YoshiDaYoshi (Trial Lynch), p0pturt + Projectionist (Trial Victims)
    Game 2: Ultimate Hunter again - Lynched < Trial 1>, Revived <Night 3>, Winner <Trial 3> - Kills: 4/6 - Zichy + JavaBrine (Night 1 Victims), NanoCourse + Skullmaster4 (Night 5 Victims), Mobocracy (Trial 3 Lynch), NetherNitro (Trial Victim)
    Game 3: Co-mod with Skullmaster4.
    Game 4: Ultimate Survivor - Lynched <Trial 2>, Replaced In w/ Sulit + Hungurr, Trial Victim <Trial 3>, Hecking Ghost Hydra < - Kills: 1/1 - Apple_iPwn_U <Night 3 Victim>
    Game 5: Ultimate Mage-unless-i'm-not

    Awards and All That Jazz
    Game 1: Did awards even exist
    Game 2: Longest PM (34 Pages, fight me)
    Game 3: begone
    Game 4: Craziest Plan, Most Unexpected Loss, Most Actions
    Game 5: N/A

    Signature

    I am out of ideas for what to say here so I suppose I shall simply put several sentences of pointless ramblings here. For I see why not, I have nothing better to say at the moment, and this moment needs nothing more said.

    The creator of the "Forum Games/Hunger Games Simulator", "Forum Duels", "War of Luck 2.0" and "1000 Bottles of Pop on the Wall" threads, Head GM of the "Forum Adventurers"
    thread, attempting (and failing) to continue a "Donjon" thread, and I dunno. I'm massively disorganized.

    "No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while, you'll see why." - Mignon McLaughlin
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